My Baptism

This last Sunday was a special day for me. At first I felt sort of silly that it had been so long into my spiritual journey before I had done this. Its exciting when someone is baptized at the time of conversion. As they enter into that freedom which is Christ in our lives, there is an unspeakable joy that flows. A spiritual high, if you will. It's majestic. For whatever reason, I was never baptized when I accepted Christ. I had been baptized as an infant, but never out of choice and surrender. So I felt sort of silly standing in front of the church and being baptized after all these years. My relationship with Christ wasnt new and fresh and exciting, and yet, by baptism was so entirely romantic. 

It was sort of like one of those ultra romantic dates. You know, the ones when you first start dating someone and they take you on this date that's full of thoughtfulness, personal touches, and oozing with romance. Your heart has butterflies, you have a perma grin, and you feel so in looooove. Now imagine that same date, same attention to detail and off-the-charts romance and thoughtfulness.....after 15 years of marriage. Imagine one day your spouse wakes up and truly realized how much they loved you, with every ounce of who they are. They wanted to do something for you that would sweep you off your feet, something that would make you feel to your very core how deeply their love for you went. Amongst your busy everyday lives full of schedules, to do lists, personal growth, marital quarrels, spiritual struggles....they went out of their way to blow your mind with the most romantic date you could ever envision.

That's what my baptism felt like. I've been intimately in love with my Jesus for over 15 years. Although baptism seemed like something I should have done a long time ago, it had a sweetness about it this way I wouldn't change for anything. I kept hearing the lyrics, "This is the day that the Lord has made. Let us Rejoice and be glad in it!" From the moment I committed my life to Christ, and even before that day, the Lord knew that this would be my day to be covered in the holy water. To draw near to him in such a romantic way. He knew how much I needed that at this stage of my journey with Him. Following Christ for as long as my memory goes back, I yearn so deeply for newness. For freshness. For a dose of Christ that doesn't feel like anything I've ever known before. Anxiety builds in me when I start to feel stale in my relationship with Christ. I long for it to be intimate all the time. I know that there are times in my life He needs me to be in those quite places, to strive to be so still and hear his voice. Im in that place right now, and I hate it. But, Im trying to really glean what He has for me here.

For the last year or so I've been in this silent, distant place. I've struggled over why He would leave me here when Im pleading, begging, to be close to Him. Isn't that what He wants us to want? To my very core I long for that, and yet He has left me here for what feels like so long. A prayed every day to come out of this spiritual funk.

And then on Sunday, I was made new. I was washed clean of my past and given a fresh and clean spirit. Do you feel the romance there? Do you see what I've been shown? I remember reading in Gary Thomas's book Sacred Influence, "Too many wives want to immediately reap a long term investment in an initial deposit called 'marriage'." I remember when I read that how profound it was to me in my marriage. It takes time to get to that deep intimacy, years to build true unconditional love, to really know and respect your spouse. It takes going through life together, the struggles and the distant times, the times you had to lean on one another just to survive. Those are the things that get you to true intimacy and to a deep loving relationship.

We are Christ's bride. He loves us to our core, but sadly we are human. It takes us more to get there, but each step of our journey as we seek to draw near to Him and to join with Him in true intimacy, we too will love Him to our very core. God knew that in my journey I had gotten to a desert place. He knew I needed to be romanced, and so he planned the most personal, powerful, romantic date for He and I.

My baptism.