24

No, this post has nothing to do with the TV series, which I think even premiers this week. So if that's why you decided to read this you will be greatly disappointed. This 24 is all about the number of years I have lived as of yesterday. I had a pretty eye and heart opening day yesterday, and although I usually post about Landon I thought I would share my heart for once.

My whole life I always felt like I was one step behind. I always felt older than I really was. I felt more mature and that I understood life better. Maybe in some ways I did, but in most Im sure I was just "that" teenager that gave my parents and adult figures a run for their money. It didnt help that all of my friends were older than me or that I rushed my way through high school, getting out a whole year early. Or, that my boyfriend through out most of high school was older than me. When I got to George Fox I felt like I had arrived: adulthood. independence. freedom. Not only was I in a rush to "grow up" I also had (and still do have) the loudest conscience in the world. I couldnt do anything bad. I knew it was wrong, but even more than that I knew it was wrong and just could not do it (whatever it was that was slightly rebellious or naughty). And any of the few times I stepped out of my zone I felt sick to my stomach with guilt beyond belief. So here I am at Fox, the freedom to be rebellious, if I so choose. The freedom to be single and independent. It was just what I wanted. Than I met Kirk.

Kirk came out of no where. And to be honest, I didnt want to meet him when I did. I didnt want to meet a guy. Especially not the guy. I wanted to go on fun dates with lots of different people and just have fun. But, nonetheless, I met him. And once I did there was something in me that knew I couldnt let him go. Years pass and we get married. He was the one, it made complete sense. Married...buy a house...and have a baby. Everything I wanted in life, and yet it all felt too soon. I hadnt ever got that independence I longed for or the light hearted fun loving life. And so as much as I LOVE my husband and LOVE my son, I felt a little bit of me had lost something I would never really ever get. But than I turned 24.

Because of this yearning to "go out and get a little crazy" my friends I and planned a night in Portland. Nothing ridiculous, just dinner, a few drinks, and maybe some dancing. I spent the last week trying to find a top to wear that would make me feel fun and sexy. It was exhausting. I finally found one and when I was getting ready realized that my bra totally showed. So I get out my sewing machine and alter it a bit, pinning the bra to the shirt. I thought "Hey it might be nice to have a little bit of a tan." So I go to Walmart and get the instant wipes, realizing they really dont actually show up till the next day. So, no tan....but I did smell like self tanner according to numerous people last night. Today, the "tan" is really orange and streaky. We drove up to Portland in my mom's car, because its the only one that would fit the McM crew and we met some other friends up in Portland at the restaurant. Not even good food. Than over to what was supposed to be a cool "Wii, karaoke, dance floor, hang out" place. It was crowded. Lots of drunk people. Lots of guys scoping out "the ladies." Luckily our husbands took turns standing by our purses and standing guard over us as we ladies danced the night away. And by dance I do not mean the gross inappropriate stuff most of those people were doing. Are you kidding me?

It was 12:00 and while a ton of people were just getting there we were so ready to leave. We get in the car and by Sherwood I'm dead asleep. We got home and I get into bed and realize "I cant sleep, its too quite." You see, the best part of my 24 years was staying the night at grandma and grandpa's so I didn't have the sounds of lullabies playing through the monitor. I missed my little guy so much. I knew than that anything that would bring me home without my son was nothing I wanted to be doing. Come morning when he was dropped off I feelt like crap from my 2 1/2 drinks I had. I just thought to myself, "I WASN'T MISSING ANYTHING!" That life is NOT ME. Never would have been. My life right now, at 24, is EXACTLY what I want it to be. I have an AMAZING husband. I mean really amazing. No we don't always get along and we have hardly anything in common...but he is my prince. I could not be more loved, adored, respected, and treasured. And my son? Forget it. The best part of every minute of my life. As I stood in the shower today and held my little man, his smile so huge and his giggles as the water sprayed on his face I just thought, "24 is amazing. I love me life."

More than anything I realized that God has given me the life he knows is best for me. All the things I've wished I could have done or things in my life I wish were different, really wouldnt make me happy. This life makes me happy and God knows that and that's why Im living it. Its silly that this revelation comes straight from the verse that has sat at the top of this blog for months. "Therefore, do not be wishing you were somewhere else or with someone else. Right here is where God means for you to be. So live and love and worship right there."

24 is going to be a great year....I just know it.

Oh, and I didnt even mention my amazing friends. Despite the craziness of the night I had an ABSOLUTE blast. Not because of where we were or what we were doing but because of who I was with. I could have had just as much fun gathered around a dining room table playing Cranium. Amazing Christian friends who were so much fun and were so loving. I really truly am blessed to have so many close, amazing, Christian girls in my life. And Im so thankful that they all found such genuinly good husbands. Words cannot describe.