Happy Easter!

We had our first egg dying adventure! Let's just say, you live and learn:) Cut the cups too low so once the water and eggs went in we were at the brim. Also, didn't really let the tablets dissolve all the way so the eggs were splotchy. Oh well, Landon had so much fun. And I was smart enough to a.) Put the plastic table cloth down, b.) strip him down to his underwear, and c.) Anal retentively not let his fingers touch the dies. Not bad for this first time mama!

 Since they say today is the last nice day for awhile, I figured Id dress the kiddos in their Easter outfits and snap a few pictures. Tomorrow they call for rain. What I also realized is that I REALLY need to plant some flowers in my yard somewhere! This narley fence and cute bench from my sister will have to do. Heck, they're so cute I could sit them down at the dump and they'd still steal the show;)

Happy Easter! Thank you, Jesus, not only for the adorable children you've entrusted me with, but for every aspect of my life. For your undying love, your forgiveness, your grace, your patience, and your soft voice that is with me every step of the way. THANK YOU for all that you did for me and all that you do for me every day.

how How HOW????

Seriously....HOW do you chose?!?! 

Sweet heavens....And you know what sucks? In order to showcase my little lady in ANY of these, I too have to adorn a swimsuit. Boo. BOO HOO!! So far, these seem like possibilities....

Ok, now everyone is done eating lunch.......better get back to work. Maybe all this busy work will help shed some pounds, eh?

My life these days..

So, Kirk had shoulder surgery on Wednesday. It's a recovery period of 4-6 weeks; no use of the arm at all. No driving, no lifting, no work, no anything. His arm is in a sling and propped up with a belted arm rest. To stay on the top of the pain, we are balancing mediations, icing, etc. Here is what my day is like these days.

6:30/7:00- I'm awoken by Landon, usually hollering up to have me come wipe his butt.
7:30- Feed Lydia
7:45ish- Start Kirk's ice machine
8:00- Kirk's pain pills
8:45- Turn ice machine off
9:15- Ice Again
9:30- Put Lydia down
10:15- Turn ice machine off
10:30 Lydia wakes up
11:00- Pain Pills
11:15- Start Icing
11:30- Feed Lydia
12:00- Lunch for everyone
12:15- Turn off Ice
12:30- Landon and Lydia down for nap
12:45- Start Icing
1:45- Stop Icing
2:00- Pain Pills
2:15- Start Icing
3:15- Stop Icing
3:30- Kids wake, Feed Lydia
3:45- Start Icing
4:45- Stop Icing
5:00- Pain Pills
515- Ice
6:15-Stop Icing, Eat Dinner
7:00- Get Landon to bed
7:15- Start Ice Machine, Feed Lydia and put her to bed
8:00- Kirk's Pain Pills
8:15- Stop Icing
8:45- Ice
9:45- Stop Ice
10:15- Ice
11:00- Stop Ice, Kirk's Pain Pills....Get Kirk settled in Recliner, Go to bed
2:00a- Kirk's Pain Pills
5:00a- Kirk's Pain Pills
6:00a- Long lasting pain pill
6:30/7:00- Beckoned to wipe butt, again

Notice there is no mention of showering or cooking, or even breathing, really. Not mentioned in the list is all the times I have to help Kirk stand up, sit down, do his exercises (3x/day), switch out the ice in the ice machine every 2 uses or so, fill his water, wash his hands, help him shower, put his deodorant on, and entertain the two kiddos since we cant really leave the house at all....you get the idea.

And yet, Im really not losing my mind QUITE yet. Not sure how the next 4-6 weeks will manage though....I cant promise anything.

Blessings:
*I now no longer have to wonder if I could handle 3 kids. Its actually easier to be selfless and serve when you don't get a moment to pause and be still. At least that's my experience over the last 3 days (which almost makes me an expert, right?)
*I have some awesome friends who have made some dinners for us.
*I was able to get out of the house today for an hour and do a newborn shoot (thanks to Kirk's mom for sitting with him)
*Kirk hasn't been crazy on his meds as was possibly anticipated. A little easily aggravated and slightly controlling (while not being able to actually do anything himself), but not too bad.
*I don't hate my husband, yet.
*Possibly my favorite....the actual injury he had was called a Labral Tear. I really like that it sort of sounds like he tore his labia:) That hasn't gotten old for me yet....teehee

I am NOT a bad mom.

I think being a mom is the most high pressured job ever. You are in charge of forming this little human into a respecting, confident, educated, knowledgable, content, God fearing, compassionate, determined, resilient, caring adult. We have to keep them safe and healthy and entertained all day every day. They have to know right from wrong, how to act appropriately in every situation that comes their way, how to avoid harm. Etc, etc, etc.

And yet, they come to us as babies. We have to teach them to do, literally, everything. Its amazing how natural it all comes to us in all reality. Some of it takes more direct effort and deciding how to handle situations even if it isn't the easiest way. We have to learn who they are and how that learn and apply teachable techniques to them in their own way. For me (and luckily my husband, too), raising our kids is our number priority in life. We are dedicated and devoted and determined. It is the deepest desire of our hearts to raise our children the best we possibly can.

One of the items on my "bucket list" is to 'truly earn the respect of my children.' When they are grown, leave for college, get married.....I want them to honestly respect me for who I am. Respect how I raised them and why. Respect what I taught them, but even more so that I actually lived it. Not a respect out of reverence or because they are "supposed" to. I want them, in their own choice, to respect me.

I am constantly being pro active on being a good mom so when I do something stupid or make the wrong choice I say to myself (or sometimes even out loud) "Oh my gosh, Im such a bad mom!"

What I decided, however, is that I am NOT a bad mom. I care too much.

I could NEVER be a bad mom. Making mistakes doesn't make me a bad mom. The fact that I love my kids more than anything in the world makes it impossible for me to ever  be a bad mom. I don't have it in me to be a bad mom. I think the only way to be a bad mom is to not care, or to be careless. Mistakes, however, do not make you bad mom.

So, the next time I (or you, if Im not alone) feel convicted over a poor choice or a brain fart moment in our parenting....don't allow yourself to even begin reciting the words "Im a bad mother." We are good mothers, doing our very BEST with our inexperienced but determined parental hearts.